Changes

I'm alive and I see

All this time I've been running from me

So deep, so gone, so influenced by wrong

Determined to go left because I no longer cared to be right. 

Happiness was a sickness and drama was life

 No longer knew what was real only what was influencing me for the night

My pain was a joke and became a topic of silly discussion 

No one cared about my needs just wanted to see me in destruction 

I wanted to see it too, got tired of people seeing me as just cute.

Wanted to do something to erase and forget the past not realizing each hit each shot brought the memories back fast

 So down the rabbit hole I continued to go swirling and twisting about see my dreams float away as my new reality explodes

Throughout it all still nothing changed

I was still feeling dealing living and running in the same lane

Finally a blowout and I was forced to pull over 

Recognized I was a train wreck and my heart was growing colder

Forced to look at me again and remember who I was

Because who I became, who people labeled me as, and who I thought I should be 

Made no sense and I needed all those thoughts cleansed out of me

I had to make the choice myself to dig deep inside

Tell that little girl she no longer needs to hide.

Told her to get her butt up and let that pain go

And remember days in the yard feeling  the wind and watching the flowers grow

Remember singing and feeling free 

Dancing and climbing up the tree

Digging in the dirt and creating some artistry

Using my hands to design and create pretty patterns 

Listen to others and speak on what matters

Say my prayers and eat what feeds my soul

Never forget to love and give it with no holds

Compromise nurture and let my truth be told 

Apply the knowledge...live...repeat

The past is gone and realize She has a powerful future to seek.