Consistent Supernova

I'm alive and I see All this time I've been running from me So deep, so gone, so influenced by wrong Determined to go left because I no longer cared to be right.  Happiness was a sickness and drama was life  No longer knew what was real only what was influencing me for the night My pain was a joke and became a topic of silly discussion  No one cared about my needs just wanted to see me in destruction  I wanted to see it too, got tired of people seeing me as just cute. Wanted to do something to erase and forget the past not realizing each hit each shot brought the memories back fast  So down the rabbit hole I continued to go swirling and twisting about see my dreams float away as my new reality explodes Throughout it all still nothing changed I was still feeling dealing living and running in the same lane Finally a blowout and I was forced to pull over  Recognized I was a train wreck and my heart was growing colder Forced...

Love... For some reason I thought I was suppose to depend on others to know of it. Love... For some reason I thought I knew and had it all along. Love... For some reason I thought it made itself clear through actions and words. Love... For some reason I thought I could measure it, add to it, or take away from it Love... For some reason I thought it would come knocking on my door saying "hey here I am" Love... For some reason I thought what I read and reacted to would explain it Love... For some reason I thought it was a mystery and I had to figure out the puzzle in order to know it Love... For some reason I blamed it for the good things that happened and the bad. Love... For some reason I thought I had to work hard no matter what and I'd be gifted with it. Love... For some reason I thought I was a reason for it Love... For some reason I thought we were just born with it. Love... For some reason I thought if I prayed I'd receive it. Love... For some reason I thought th...

I took this pic on a hot rainy night in Memphis Tn, while working on Beale St. The street was filled with people walking around, drinking, partying, etc. Out of nowhere it starts to pour down raining. Everyone ran into clubs of course to get out the rain. Everyone except one guy. He took his shirt off and sat down and began to meditate in the rain. He meditated the whole time until it stopped raining. Once the rain stopped he got up and left. I didn't care if he was high, drunk, sober, or out of his mind. I had no clue where he came from. It was almost like he was showing me what I needed to do. There was so much going on in my life when I took this photo. I was busy doing stupid stuff with stupid people and living a chaotic lifestyle thinking everything was horrible. I was no longer stopping and acknowledging the necessities I was blessed with. I was no longer appreciating the little things given to me without having to ask. I didn't realize how dirty my spirit was bec...

It's been about four days since I heard anything from him. No call. No text. Do disconnecting my phone line. No social media lash outs. Nothing. Could this possibly be it? I mean, all the ups and consistent downs we've had were no where near this worrisome. Sure we should've parted the first time it got heated and stayed away. We came back though. At least when I left he always came for me. Every. Single. Time. Maybe he's fed up with me leaving like I was fed up with the way I was being treated. This hurts. And, I don't want to let go. I want it to change and be the way we said it would be. I want the plans we made together to be lived out. I cant believe I haven't heard from him. Is this what it's going to take to get me to see that he really doesn't want me? Am I being forced by the universe to move on since I wont move on and stay gone at my own free will? Am I that dependent on others to move first in order for me to make a serious move in...

lately i've been thinking about how women can be so intimidated by the next woman that they feel looks better than she or in some cases is doing better(what ever that mean..money or status wise i guess)... I can say that I use to have this bad...due to issues with myself and not knowing my own self worth, having low self esteem, being jealous, and not knowing who i am (i still working on it). the jealousy is no longer there nor the low self esteem but the level of me getting to know myself is growing continuously so I can say i'm growing out of this bad trait. anyway. i witness how the prettiest girls get jealous over another woman that they they feel may talk or associate with the same guy they do...or have the same job as she and the attention is now taken away from her and on to the new pretty girl. Ladies why? Why be jealous of the next lady. Ok to a certain degree i can understand you maybe use to being the "pretty girl" in the spot that all the men wanna get at ...

i was just thinking about how most of us are just programmed robots walking around. due to the fact that maybe 95% of what we know is only because someone told us..or we read someone else's point of view or theory and thought it to be true or fact. and just maybe that 5% are things we decided to label our own, use our own point of view to decipher, and the hardway experience. I'm thinking what if a person went throughout life without anyone telling them anything? Or what certain things meant, stand for and or are used for. All that they know they learned through making their own assumptions/ideas/and configurations. Take Ariel from the little mermaid for example. she knew nothing about the human race but was always curious. Certain items that she found she ended up calling and using them for what she thought they were used for until she was shown or told otherwise. My thing is to the human race they may have looked at her as silly or ignorant. But was she really? Because she th...