Consistent Supernova

I'm ready to meet the shadows that linger over me when I sleep I'm sure my eyes will be appalled but my spirit knows she's yet to see it all These virgins eyes wants to see that which she's been too blocked and too blind Wake me up and show me the spiritual time Those shadows that surround me and whisper in my ear they ring bells cast spells and listens when I know I'm not clear Chill my skin as the room grow hot and old They know my rawness they want my goods They've come for my soul. Those shadows that surround me I feel that positive and negative energy Pulsating vibrating bouncing in and off of me Fighting for a chance to transfer from him to her to me to another man Still I stand scared but to broad chested to show it I wanna see these shadows and consciously they know it. These wise old virgin eyes know they linger and stare I just want to see them and confirm that they really are there...

I'm alive and I see All this time I've been running from me So deep, so gone, so influenced by wrong Determined to go left because I no longer cared to be right.  Happiness was a sickness and drama was life  No longer knew what was real only what was influencing me for the night My pain was a joke and became a topic of silly discussion  No one cared about my needs just wanted to see me in destruction  I wanted to see it too, got tired of people seeing me as just cute. Wanted to do something to erase and forget the past not realizing each hit each shot brought the memories back fast  So down the rabbit hole I continued to go swirling and twisting about see my dreams float away as my new reality explodes Throughout it all still nothing changed I was still feeling dealing living and running in the same lane Finally a blowout and I was forced to pull over  Recognized I was a train wreck and my heart was growing colder Forced...

Love... For some reason I thought I was suppose to depend on others to know of it. Love... For some reason I thought I knew and had it all along. Love... For some reason I thought it made itself clear through actions and words. Love... For some reason I thought I could measure it, add to it, or take away from it Love... For some reason I thought it would come knocking on my door saying "hey here I am" Love... For some reason I thought what I read and reacted to would explain it Love... For some reason I thought it was a mystery and I had to figure out the puzzle in order to know it Love... For some reason I blamed it for the good things that happened and the bad. Love... For some reason I thought I had to work hard no matter what and I'd be gifted with it. Love... For some reason I thought I was a reason for it Love... For some reason I thought we were just born with it. Love... For some reason I thought if I prayed I'd receive it. Love... For some reason I thought th...

I took this pic on a hot rainy night in Memphis Tn, while working on Beale St. The street was filled with people walking around, drinking, partying, etc. Out of nowhere it starts to pour down raining. Everyone ran into clubs of course to get out the rain. Everyone except one guy. He took his shirt off and sat down and began to meditate in the rain. He meditated the whole time until it stopped raining. Once the rain stopped he got up and left. I didn't care if he was high, drunk, sober, or out of his mind. I had no clue where he came from. It was almost like he was showing me what I needed to do. There was so much going on in my life when I took this photo. I was busy doing stupid stuff with stupid people and living a chaotic lifestyle thinking everything was horrible. I was no longer stopping and acknowledging the necessities I was blessed with. I was no longer appreciating the little things given to me without having to ask. I didn't realize how dirty my spirit was bec...

It's been about four days since I heard anything from him. No call. No text. Do disconnecting my phone line. No social media lash outs. Nothing. Could this possibly be it? I mean, all the ups and consistent downs we've had were no where near this worrisome. Sure we should've parted the first time it got heated and stayed away. We came back though. At least when I left he always came for me. Every. Single. Time. Maybe he's fed up with me leaving like I was fed up with the way I was being treated. This hurts. And, I don't want to let go. I want it to change and be the way we said it would be. I want the plans we made together to be lived out. I cant believe I haven't heard from him. Is this what it's going to take to get me to see that he really doesn't want me? Am I being forced by the universe to move on since I wont move on and stay gone at my own free will? Am I that dependent on others to move first in order for me to make a serious move in...