Hanging on.

It's been about four days since I heard anything from him. No call. No text. Do disconnecting my phone line. No social media lash outs. Nothing.

Could this possibly be it? I mean, all the ups and consistent downs we've had were no where near this worrisome. Sure we should've parted the first time it got heated and stayed away. We came back though. At least when I left he always came for me. Every. Single. Time.

Maybe he's fed up with me leaving like I was fed up with the way I was being treated.

This hurts. And, I don't want to let go. I want it to change and be the way we said it would be.
I want the plans we made together to be lived out.

I cant believe I haven't heard from him.

Is this what it's going to take to get me to see that he really doesn't want me? Am I being forced by the universe to move on since I wont move on and stay gone at my own free will? Am I that dependent on others to move first in order for me to make a serious move in my life? Does this means I'm a coward in a sense that I wont act quickly to my own needs?

My mind Is all warped and twisted from this experience. I don't know if Id rate this experience as the worst or best encounter with a man I love and claimed to love me.

I didn't really have a legit outline on how to even talk about how I feel right now. Oh yea I did, I just remembered I decided to ramble because it's valentines day and I haven't heard from the man that I married. It's going on four days. Ive reached out twice and no response.
Why must I keep entertaining this shit! Why wont I just get a divorce and be done?

Because my dumb ass signed a contract I wasn't programmed nor learned how to abide by.
Love definitely isn't enough.

Its my own fault.
Now I will go sulk in this sadness and wonder what woman he's giving all his time and attention to. I guess I'm worn out, and old news.
I don't want sympathy. Just want to love myself, be loved for real, and get out of this dumbass cycle.