VIBRATE HIGH

Pretty girls vs. Pretty girls

2009-10-29T07:51:00.000-07:00

lately i've been thinking about how women can be so intimidated by the next woman that they feel looks better than she or in some cases is doing better(what ever that mean..money or status wise i guess)...

I can say that I use to have this bad...due to issues with myself and not knowing my own self worth, having low self esteem, being jealous, and not knowing who i am (i still working on it). the jealousy is no longer there nor the low self esteem but the level of me getting to know myself is growing continuously so I can say i'm growing out of this bad trait.
anyway. i witness how the prettiest girls get jealous over another woman that they they feel may talk or associate with the same guy they do...or have the same job as she and the attention is now taken away from her and on to the new pretty girl.

Ladies why? Why be jealous of the next lady. Ok to a certain degree i can understand you maybe use to being the "pretty girl" in the spot that all the men wanna get at and as soon as a new chic come along that YOU feel looks better or is smarter, and all the men are suddenly no longer paying you attentionl etc you feel your turf has been violated.

What i can't understand is the length that some "pretty" women take to gain back their status to be noticed as the "finest" "smartest" etc. They began to hate on the new pretty woman, talk down about her, set her up, and just do stupid shit like talk bad about them, taking from them, refusing to help, or they will smile in the lady face then back stab her ass.

That i use to do in highschool cuz i was silly but i no longer do because it's don't make sense to me to do it. But as i got older I began to stay mad at myself...and tried to do things to keep the guy attention. Never did i ever hate on the chic or smile in her face and stab her behind her back because i felt her as a threat i did all the negative thinking in my head. I guess you can say i'm not good with competition...lol. But it began to be seen as a process i was going through. Eventually the negative thoughts in my head stopped. Because i accepted and respected her level of smartness, status, and beauty.

Being jealous over another woman's looks or status in your realm is silly. I've come across lots of beautiful women and working with them. By me constantly working and seeing them that help me to understand that the world is full of beautiful women and i am one of them. Its something unique and different about us all so why be mad at one that you feel looks better or is doing better than you? I understand why i did it when i was younger. But to do it now would be the silliest shit ever...smh. I can't be mad at her. She didn't ask for her looks they were giving...she may have worked her ass off to get her status, and you never know that level of smartness may have been forced on her. but she's still beautiful and we have to respect each other.

for instance. I was talking to this one guy. i didn't want anything serious with him. Just wanted to be cool and get some good sex'n in here and there. We had an understanding. Eventually he informed me that he had a new chic which i wasn't surprised due to other stuff he shared with me. I'm thinking oh it's cool. And he told me who she was. I thought she was cute and cool and was like oh well if we all hang out it's cool with me i don't mind. If he was with me and she called it didn't bother me that he answered...i'd speak and everything. I if i called him and he was with her i'd still speak and out of respect give them their time. Not once did i hate on her or get mad at her because she indeed was a very pretty girl. But from my understanding she hated my guts...from my undertanding she was intimidated by me....from my understanding she hated on everything about me...smh why? there is alot wrong with this situation but i won't go into further details. but the point is i never hated her...disrespected her...or talk down to her because she was cool with the same guy i was and a beautiful woman. I respected her, her place, her status, and her beauty. Keep in mind i was cool wit the guy and eveutally removed all emotional and sexual attachments after a certain point due to certain issues and still i didn't hate the girl or be mad at her. but from my understanding she hated my guts. Why? I know and I don't know.

Ladies we have to get over these silly egos. Beyonce' got ya'll heads stuck up her ass and ya'll own ass that you feel you are the prettiest thing walking and that can't nobody replace you or take your spot...good to have confidence but when it comes to you feeling another woman looks better than you and you get mad and forget your beauty and get all mixed up in hers and loose your self it's becomes a problem.

Can't we stop with the competition. Remember we all will have our time to shine and be on top and when you are up there enjoy it and trust you will still shine in your own way. If you know who you are and what you are capable of and your own worth...another woman's beauty would not intimidate you but it should lift your spirit to see such beauty in another form instead of your own.

Stop being mad...stop being jealous...and please stop hating on the beauty/status of another woman...respect that shit and keep your shit tight!!!!

I was just thinking

2009-10-28T13:46:00.000-07:00

i was just thinking about how most of us are just programmed robots walking around.

due to the fact that maybe 95% of what we know is only because someone told us..or we read someone else's point of view or theory and thought it to be true or fact.

and just maybe that 5% are things we decided to label our own, use our own point of view to decipher, and the hardway experience.

I'm thinking what if a person went throughout life without anyone telling them anything?

Or what certain things meant, stand for and or are used for. All that they know they learned through making their own assumptions/ideas/and configurations.

Take Ariel from the little mermaid for example. she knew nothing about the human race but was always curious. Certain items that she found she ended up calling and using them for what she thought they were used for until she was shown or told otherwise.

My thing is to the human race they may have looked at her as silly or ignorant. But was she really? Because she thought a fork was a hair comb did that make her ignorant? Or was she right to a certain degree that fit her perspective?

My thing is what may be considered a drinking cup in your eyes could be a home for an insect. So which one of them is ignorant or right? The cup thinker or the home?

I'm not trying to really make a point or am I? Maybe i'm just thinking deep into something that's unecessary. But i don't think it would hurt to try and figure things out yourself. Make up your own ideas and change the typical into something different that may fit your perspective.

If no one ever told me or showed me how to ride a bike or drive a car or cut hair or polish nails or comb my hair would the way that I percieved it to be done or managed to teach self to do would be considered wrong in the eyes of one who was actually taught by someone else....

hhhm...i don't know. maybe it should just be a healthy balance of both. Ask questions, get answers, decipher and research the answers to fit your own perspective. And in the mean time think for yourself. ask yourself questions and get your own answers. Teach yourself how to do something then check the "proper" or "society's" way of doing it and see the similarities or differences and stick with which ever suits you best.

...i guess.

What a dream..damn Oct.8,2009 9:53am

2009-10-27T13:33:00.000-07:00

so this is another touching dream that woke me up in awe...I didn't really get to think about it cuz the way I woke up I had no time to think about it.....

"If you could only believe in me...let show you how I really feel really feel for you cuz you are everything yea...ooh oh yea yea yea..." and every 5minutes keyshia cole goes off on my phone alarm...me constantly hitting the snooze button... for that last time I decided to hit it again..It was 6:45am...I rolled over on the couch and went back to sleep.....

So I’m at this amazing resort for mature individuals...its' sunny outside...blue sky...water was everywhere laid out nicely in pools and lakes and an amazing theme park as well. I decided to go with my sisters to this little hang out spot...It was me shanda, woochee, woo, and kenlada...we're all dressed up looking nice and mingling...to my surprise I spot my classmate and friend "Staci" she looked very nice had on a black off the shoulder fitted scrunch dress with a medium sized purple pendant in the middle holding her chest in. her hair was in a flawless wrap and her makeup was nice...I only saw her but didn't speak cuz I felt she was too busy to notice and talk with me...with her was another one of my classmates "Kasey m." she looked flawless as well she had some shiny black dress that fell off the shoulders and was pretty simple...she had an up do and I remember he having diamond studs in her ear...so I’m seeing these ladies along with their friends mingling and talking I noticed them but they didn't notice me...like I said they seemed as though they were having too much fun and too busy so notice a person like me

...so I decided to walk around this whatever it was..."club" "event" idrk (mostly black people and it was smoky and kinda blurry). So as I’m walking this guy that looked like the lil dude that play on "the game" (the one that lives with Tasha Mac and her son) I can't think of his name but this dude looked like him. he had on a red shirt with graphic designs on it...he stopped me out of nowhere and playfully said "ima take yo man"...I laughed it off at first and then once I realized what he said I was like "like hell you are going to take him...you got me and him messed up..my man ain't gay and he ain't going for yo silly ass" so we arguing back and forth and he laughing and constantly saying he going to take my man so he was standing to the left of me face forward to my shoulder and I brought my right arm up and slapped him in the face on his left cheek...the slap was wet cuz my hand was getting sweaty I guess...so I slapped him and he laughed did realized what I did and reached for me...I grabbed his hands and knocked him away...and he threw a piece of paper or napkin at me and I turned around and grabbed his arms and pressed them to his body...somehow we ended up in the dj booth vip area and I began to constantly try and punch him in the face (usually when I try and punch someone the punches go really slow or it's hard for me to even feel the punch) so I couldn't punch him so I then began to pull him off the ground and ferociously bang his head on the ground next to the bar rails...then security finally came...it was some think hood looking chic who's pants and shirt was too little cuz her stomach was poking out and she had camel toe...her hair was blonde with a swoop and a pony tail she had a gold in her mouth and lots of rings and jewelry on...it was also a dark skinned big male guard and a light skinned one...they came and pulled me off him and they then grabbed him and took him away...as he got carried away he stated he would "kill me" which he also stated after I slapped him the first time...so that made me even more mad and I ran after him but someone said it ain't worth it...

So I calm down and decided to go to this spot under the dj booth...(the dj booth was made almost like the one at Level II except it had to doors and chairs positioned around it) so I was going to get my things and Kasey was sitting in front of the door. She had a big smile on her face. I politely smiled back and said "excuse me I need to get my things" she kept smiling and saying no and scooting her chair back and forth playfully saying "no you can't get in" like it was a joke. I was getting irritable so I decided to through the other door that led straight up to the dj booth...for some reason she thought or didn't expect me to do that and she finally moved.... all of a sudden there was more chaos out of no where...so went and hid in the closet to get my things (more things happened but I can't remember) all I know at this time was that there was some giant man that was like 10ft tall sneaking around as this chaos was going on...I left.
So now I’m out enjoying the resort (it's still sunny out and blue sky)...amusement park with my sisters...we got our feet in the water and everything...people are swimming and mingling...(mostly white people with children) I left and came back and my sister shry was with me she said "look at that water..What’s going on chee...we gotta get outta of here..." so I grabbed her hand and noticed the water and all of a sudden the water began to act even more crazy and began to flood and get higher...I think I was the only one who noticed it besides my sister and kinda freaked a little and I remember the big 10ft white man who for some reason I thought was made out of clay popped up in my mind and I was like we gotta get outta here...(allot things began to happen at this point and I can't remember) out of nowhere a fire began...the water was beginning to take over and drown people and destroy the amusement park...I grabbed my sister kenlada and told her to come on...we ran and this white lady and her grandma came with us...she had found a car that she didn't need the key to start up it automatically started up...everyone assumed that I should drive so everybody got in the car(me knowing it’s hard for kenlada to rush and get in a car) I hurried and hopped inland hoped that she would too and she did....now I see total chaos behind me in the rearview mirror so I tried to get on the expressway which was made up like green roller coaster as I got on I asked everyone in the care if they knew which way was east...they were sending me the wrong way I turned around(still on the roller coaster type expressway) and was like look for "Ridgeway" " I need to get to Ridgeway" at this time I’m thinking indeed to get to "martin" I needed to make sure he was safe and knowing going to east Memphis would be safer. So for some reason I saw the "Ridgeway" sign and we fell off the roller coaster...(my mom kept popping up in my head at this point she looked pretty but had on fitted black clothes showing off her rolls) we fell off and began to run

out of nowhere comes the 10ft white man...he had on a red tank top that was dirty and very fitted with some dark blue dirty jeans...his skinned was very tanned and dirty looking he had shoulder length thick stringy hair....he told everyone to stop running...and for those that were getting on the expressway he told them to continue on...he began to walk back and forth asking us if we wanted to live and stuff and saying other stuff but I can't remember what he was saying...at this time I’m still running around yelling "martin martin martin martin where is martin"...I’m crying because I’m thinking he's either dead or something...so I watched myself run in this building looking for him while the real me stayed outside crying yelling for him...then out of no were the express way began to fall apart and catch on fire...people were now in rollercoaster cars flying in the area with helmets on fire and crashing everywhere...while this was happening the 10ft white man was laughing....so I began to really panic and wanted to know where "martin" was...and out of nowhere he comes running out of this building that was filled with maggots he was shaking his head and he had taken his braids down so now he had a fro...he had on a black faded tank top with some dark black faded jeans...

I got excited until I saw myself come out that same building....I looked flawless and I was glowing but I had a blank stare on my face...my hair was in a fro pulled back by a headband and I had on red earrings..I had on a red shirt with a black symbol on it...as I stared at myself I panicked and woke up out my sleep.

keyshia cole was no longer playing....it was 7:31am and I had 10 minutes before I had to leave out the house for work....

This is the face that I saw...only was I lighter and my look was blanker...picture me glowing with yellow or white light

What a Dream...Sept. 26, 2009 2:05pm

2009-10-27T10:51:00.000-07:00

so I woke up this morning feeling very emotional due to the fact I had just awaken from a dream that was so real at the time of my sleeping. Well as far back as I can remember... I was at some type of sea World Park where they showcases certain whales, sharks, dolphins, etc doing tricks and such. but before I went to this spot (just remembered) I had just gotten off a plane with a voodoo priestess...me her, and about two other girls were dancing...it was like I was back in the old days doing belly dancing to entertain men...one girl received lots of tips and I was like I should get tipped to for all the hard work I do..So she gave me a $10 bill and it had the words "play money" on it. so I told her the guy gave her fake money so we went to confront him and he then took the money back and I walked off to see a car that had weed in it... I informed my voodoo priestess that this was there because I know she liked weed so she got it and we ended up back in a building located in a hallway

..somehow another chic was with us and they began rolling up blunts...the other chic lit one while the priestess rolled one and I was finishing up one by licking it and securing it...they other chic passed me the blunt and I hit it.... so now I’m high I walked off back the sea world park area and noticed a set of deformed twins in the water they looked extremely pale and sick...very black around the eyes..No hair they pretty much looked like aliens. (picture the kids from Minority Report) But they were weirdly in the pool with this big white shark...and I mean it was huge...

so the host was explaining how the shark is so friendly that they put these very sick twins in the pool with it...(i'm assuming these sick twins were made famous through the media due to their condition) so i thought this shit was weird and crazy and the moment i saw that i told my self...that shark is gonna eat those twins... next thing i know the shark turns on them and eats the twins... everyone then goes crazy and runs for safety.. I found it hard to find an exit or escape route cuz every where I went either the shark(s) were coming or blocking it or too many people were going in the same direction and somehow managed to corrupt the exit...

so I saw a jet in the building with people trying to take off...I hopped aboard and the pilot couldn't make it out each time it went up it came back down and we landed in the water where the sharks were so I was getting very anxious and irritated because each escape route I tried to take didn't work... so finally I somehow ended up sitting on a gate....now as I 'm sitting on this gate the sea world park has demolished and disappeared and the area was turning into a jungle with concrete and grass... I’m still sitting on this huge wire fence along with lots of other people who needed to be saved... so I finally look over to my right and noticed a chic from the dancing party I was at earlier and she saw her male friend sitting in the car on the other side of the fence... which happened to look like some part of Africa.. she hopped down off the gate and went for his car then another guy did so I was like hey it's my chance to escape and I jumped and followed but I never made it to the car some how I ran into some type of spot in Africa that looked like it could be a concentration camp that was also fenced with wire....I hopped the fence and saw lots of black people standing around sad along with children next thing I know they began raising their white flags saying they surrender and I’m like what the fuck have I ran into????? so the guy was like if you don't want to be a warrior leave now... and I’m like I’m not finna be a slave fuck this I can't live like that so I ran back to the sea world park area and hopped back on the fence....

people were still sitting there waiting scared to get down because at any given moment the area could turn back into water and the sharks will reappear... so out of nowhere the scene changes into a widely open tunnel and planks and boards began to form... the guy that gave the dancer the fake money began to run and every one followed him... he was trying to make it to this exit before anyone else did... once he saw everyone following him he began to push them into the what has now changed back into water from concrete and the shark reappeared... as he was doing this the planks began to break and my sister's daughter was on one side and we were on the other so I ran back to get her and while I did this a train appeared out of nowhere and off jumped the "high school high musical" kids they jumped off singing and shit and I’m like why the hell are they here? I’m trying to leave before I get killed so me and my sister went to the train captain which was a woman who looked and favored my late grandmother Mary...chubby, light skinned, long hair, with freckles... my sis grabbed her daughter and asked the lady if she could take her daughter back with her because we didn't know how long we would be stranded here. The lady said sure and that we could go too when she said that I woke up.....

now this is only scratching the surface of what I dreamed... my dreams are usually extremely complicated and detailed... I have very healthy wild imagination so it's like allot of shit be going on at one time which all plays apart in whatever message is being given... this dream taught me about taking risk...taking what I have a for granted...and the beauty of things..How I can get so caught up in that because it's two sides to everything..... I don’t know but this dream was so real to me...I didn't think I’d ever wake up...I wish I could relive the dream to better understand what was going on.... hope it wasn't too complicated... had to share...

Still Around...August 3,2009 11:29am

2009-10-27T10:08:00.000-07:00

I wrote this today at work...not feeling too good.

as crazy as it sounds I don't feel like being around

sitting at a desk and boredly looking like I belong at the lost and found

party hardy and I refused the Bacardi

instead I took the nuvo and patron to the head

now I’m suffering and in need of a bed

gosh Monday mornings suck

if I was faithfully being the gangsta balla that lives within me

about these corporate jobs I wouldn't give a fuck

as crazy as it sounds I don't feel like being around

sitting here feeling trapped and ready to get out this unprogressive town

jump in jump out I threw myself about

going crazy needing to scream then fall asleep on a comfy couch

beds are freaking over rated...gimme a pillow so I can degrade it.

freak Friday can't get here quicker

my silly tired ass is just in a hurryto get to either that blue, or clear, or brown liquor

..hahahaha...my nonchalant ass is still around

oh well guess I’ll go find some useful to do with my time

I got till 430 to keep frontin and using my fake smile

ooh wee...it does indeed feel good to be meI guess now I’ll shut up with all the unnecessary complaining....

Where's the Bizness 9/28/2009 1:57pm

2009-10-27T09:36:00.000-07:00

I got skills to pay my bills

therefore i don't need your dick or your cheap thrills

you said us doing business is where it's at

so my nigga how bout you let it just be that.

thanks for your compliments

but constantly telling me i'm sexy business wise is irrelevant

do i need to wear turtle necks?

do i need loose the tight pants

do i need to cover my head legs thighs and my little ass to keep your mouth in check?

obviously i do

cuz i get no business partner respect from you

should've known better than to dress so sexy

cuz now all this nigga can think of is how he wanna stretch me

sure i'm happy that i got this wonderful job

but is it only cuz that vanilla scent made you wanna eat me like a corn on the cob?

fuck this shit

i'm have to turn muslim in this bitch

respect my own body and wrap it head to toe

and save it for that special man who's eyes i feel honored to show.

can't be too sexy cuz i never get taken respectfully serious

think just cuz i can shake my ass, model, and design

that by you working with me will leave me sexually curious.

fuck your company

but then again that's where you are at fault

cuz you see a pretty girl hire her

and don't think twice about her business thoughts

but hey how can i blame you if i walk in your office and put my tits on the table

i guess being that you're a man if i got a nice pair you'll eventually wanna grab em and taste em.

but the thing is i ain't putting my shit out like that

niggas come at me like i'ma pheromone pack rat with a fat cat

cuz i'm constantly trying clean out my over flowing litter box

of niggas who claim they want to do business

but only want me to punch in on they dick clock

maybe it's me

maybe i'm just to sexy

sexy from the aura to the voice to the appearance to my clothes choice

guess i better turn this sexy off

before i have every business man wanting me to harden their dick from being soft

oh well unsexy i go

and im sure my talents and skills wont be looked and the same anymore.

i'll take a chance and see if i'll gain the business respect

or will my voice no longer be heard cuz my appearance doesn't scream sex?

since now i don't want to be respected and judged by my looks

will they listen to me the same and fairly treat me right

or will they ignore me and my ideas will constantly be overlooked?

oh well in reality this river has to sides to explore

the question is will i allow this boat unto the right shore?

I am.. 7/15/2009 @12:50pm

2009-10-27T09:15:00.000-07:00

ever feel like sometimes you just let yourself go too far
then when you realize where you came from that you slightly forgot who you are?

drowsy i am
of playing in this field
all love as been drained
but i refuse to complain

my head is light
from last night
decided to party and mingle right
but the sacrifice that is due today is not so bright

wish i could curl my toes
and pull the covers over my head
fuck sitting at this desk i'd rather be in bed

such a deep thinker
each day i forget who i am
constantly trying to fall down this hole that's getting old

why is there a hole? feel like i'm trapped
searching for knowledge with no in between gaps
oh how i love information but am i wise to what i apply...